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Glamorization of Marriage/Children

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I have a big problem with mainstream media, mainly in the sense that they are brainwashing women to want to marry and have children with the recent glamorization of weddings and pregnancy and the way they portray it as if it’s wrong not to want these things, or how they make you feel as if you’re a failure if you haven’t achieved these things by the time you’re a certain age, like you’re late 20’s.  It seems almost reminiscent with the 1950’s and how the women were considered spinsters if they hadn’t married by the time they were 23.

Let me start by saying I’m 31, and will soon be 32.  I was married and divorced two years later and have been living with my current boyfriend and his son for two years now.  It’s been wonderful!  We have your typical best friend/lovers type of relationship that a lot of people envy, and I personally have never been happier.  We live like we’re a family yet according to society and our laws, we’re not a family yet since we’re not married yet.  Yet, there’s been this uneasiness within me.

With the current glamorization of marriage I feel inadequate as a woman simply because I was divorced in my late 20’s and have not had children yet and am in my early 30’s, which is leading me down a cycle of depression, anxiety and an almost obsession with marriage and kids.  I know I shouldn’t pay any attention to the media (I should just turn the freaking T.V. off and read!) but it’s everywhere!  I can’t walk down the street and look at the newspaper racks because someone is talking about who’s pregnant, who’s engaged, who’s adopting, etc.  I go on the internet, and BLAMO!  There it is.  It’s as if there is this crazy obsession in the media with family and procreation and it’s creating a lot of uneasiness within me.  

So why don’t we simply get married?  Well, it’s not that easy, and frankly it’s a bit personal, but what it comes down to is that we’re simply not ready right now.  As for the kids portion, same thing, but why do I have to be made to feel as if I’m inadequate as a woman because I feel my children and my relationship will benefit if we were to just wait a little while longer?

I have to wonder though, is it just me or do other women feel the same way about this?  I’d love some input on this.

Edit:  This is a good reference to what I’m talking about.  

Written by Lissette

July 15, 2008 at 12:53 pm

Modern Day Feminism

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 Kira Cochrane on the apparent backlash against feminism The Guardian

If I were to start talking about and quoting stuff from this article, I would just end up completely copying and pasting the whole thing here.  Super important to read.  A quick recap is that this article is about how women’s rights are under attack by anti-feminists.  It talks about how all our perceived rights are slowly being turned back an things like employment equality, abortion, and rape are ignored and the numbers are ugly.  Check it out.

This was also talked about over at Jezebel

Written by Lissette

July 1, 2008 at 12:36 pm

Posted in Feminism

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Irresponsible Feminism

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I’m a bit disturbed by the views some feminists are taking to Hillary conceding. I just read an article where Koryne Horbel, the founder of the DFL Feminist Caucus started passing around a petition to women for them to pledge to write in Hillary’s name come November instead of voting for Obama.

“I don’t care,” Horbal said of the possibility that the move might cost Obama votes. She said she also would not be bothered if the write-in campaign indirectly helped elect John McCain, the presumptive Republican nominee. “Let McCain clean it up for four years, and then we can have Hillary run again,” she said. [emphasis mine]

Let McCain clean it up??? What he’s going to “clean up” will be what he considers problems in society that go against HIS morals. In other words, he’s going to “clean up” Roe vs. Wade by seating pro-life Supreme Court Justices, he’s going to “clean up” by making it harder and harder for women to get their birth control, he’s going to “clean up” all our rights, and I think that this is a very dangerous stance to take. Jack Tapper ant ABC News Senior National Correspondent had this to say:

It’s fairly irrefutable that should there be a Supreme Court vacancy in the next four years, which there probably will be, McCain will appoint a Justice who in all likelihood will be the final vote to overturn Roe v Wade.

I’m not making a value judgment here on that — it’s just a fact. It’s one of the reasons why many conservatives will vote for McCain, whom they dislike on several other issues.

So how do these feminists reconcile that?

I too would love to know what Koryne is going to do then. How will she justify what’s been done to women’s rights? We need to remember that we are here to vote for the person who is best qualified to handle the issues that hit close to home, whether that means you have to chose from the lesser of two evils or not. The thing to remember -especially in politics- is that not everyone touches on all of the issues perfectly. There will be some disagreements and plenty of room for discussion, but when you have someone like McCain who is just flat out anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-everything, you can’t just stand there and say, “I don’t care” because you have to care. There are a lot more important things at stake then the fact that your preferred candidate was not chosen.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Hill, I would have loved to see her in office, and I think this country is in desperate need for a woman in the office, but the nation is also in need for a black man to be in office as well. I don’t want to turn this into a black man vs. white woman debate, but either way the country is due for the change that either of these two scenarios will bring, and it’s really disturbing to me that someone can be so narrow minded as to publicly declare, “I don’t care…let McCain clean up the mess for the next four years” without taking into consideration that there are bigger issues at stake. I think this quote pretty much sums up exactly how I feel (from The Same Rowdy Crowd)

But here she is, saying “You have to do what you have to do.” And, from the other side, so am I. I admire people who stand on principle. Come November, one of us is likely to do harm to some of the things we believe in, in service to other things we believe in.

Things aren’t black and white, are they?

(h/t The Feminist Underground)

Written by Lissette

June 10, 2008 at 4:34 pm

History in the making

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Today, I am proud to be a democrat. I am proud to be a woman. I am proud to be watching history in the making. I sat here and watched Hillary’s concession speech on CNN and I felt proud because for the first time in the history of the United States we had the decision to either elect a woman or a black man to run for presidency. For the first time ever we have a black man running to be president of the United States. This is a moment that I am proud to be able to see, and I am proud to be able to share the importance of it with my stepson and explain to him what a big deal this is and how this is going to open him up for many choices in the future. I’ve been saying from the very beginning that should Hillary not win I would vote for Obama, because regardless of what the differences between them is, and regardless of how I feel about him personally, the issues are still there and they will not away easily and we need to tell the government about how we feel about this issues. The biggest way we could tell the government is to vote for the person that addresses these issues and promises to change the way the government is controlling our rights.

McCain, I feel, will be the worst person to run this country. Allowing him to serve a term would be the equivalent of giving Bush a third term. He’s wishy-washy. He has no enthusiasm for what his issues are, he goes up at to the podiums to make his speeches and I fall asleep. There’s no chemistry, no passion, nothing. He’s like a wet fish. Obama has passion.

I have to comment about something because after her speech they were interviewing random people on the floor and they were all saying that if Obama would not pick Hillary as his running mate, they were not going to vote for him, and I’ve heard rumors of people not going to vote at all because they don’t want to have to vote for the lesser of two evils. I have this to tell them: YOU’RE STUPID! Barrack Obama believes in basically the same issues that Hillary believed in. Both Hillary and Obama are about instituting social change in our country that has already been crippled by a president who’s more concerned about his pride, his ego, and his pockets, then the real issues at hand, and I see the same thing in McCain.

Here’s McCain on the Ellen Degeneres show. Watch and I’ll comment below.

This man starts off as saying that he feels a contract is ok between people of the same sex, but what gets me is what is the different between said contract and actual marriage? Why not just go ahead and say “I agree with gay marriage”? In truth, you can’t force the church to allow this, and that’s their decision as a private, religious institution, I just won’t support that religious institution. Simple. But when it comes to the government, if they’re willing to allow “contracts” that give gay couples the same rights as married couples, just go ahead and call it a “marriage” already, because that’s what it is. At this point it’s just a play on words. Even after Ellen made some incredibly good points to him on how segregated his thoughts are, he stands by his point but almost embarassingly. This is not a man who stands by his convictions.

McCain was just here in Miami talking about conserving the Everglades, but he’s the one that voted against funding conservation efforts to begin with. Why now does he have an interest in the Everglades? I can tell you why. Because he wants the hispanic vote here in South Florida, and he’s also trying to get the conservationists to support him, but in truth-at least for me- his words are not enough. His actions have said loud and clear that he’s not about supporting the Everglades, and he can’t backtrack now.

His issues on the gay marriage, I don’t agree with. His issues on women’s rights, I don’t agree with. I get the sense that he wants to go back to a time that is outlined in the Feminist Mystique, and I am not for that at all. Women have more brains then men give us credit for. We are capable of thinking for ourselves, we are capable of working and making decisions when it concerns our lives, our futures, and the future of our children. We do not need a man to hold our hands and tell us what to do, because we can and will do that for ourselves, and people like McCain will try to turn back the clock so that we aren’t allowed to make our own decisions. Bush already tried to start the ball rolling when he signed the Partial Birth Abortion Act, which is an inaccurate term, and on top of that, they don’t even take into consideration the true facts about the procedure!

Under state law, abortions are permitted for up to 24 weeks or six months after pregancy. It is also permitted after 24 weeks if the woman’s health or life is in danger. [emphasis mine]

The partial-birth or IDX abortion procedure is usually done in the second trimester, from 18 to 26 weeks.[emphasis mine]

What is incredibly disturbing about this isn’t so much the process in which it’s done, or the act itself, it’s the fact that the government is not taking into consideration the risk that not doing this procedure may place on the woman’s life who’s trying to have the procedure done. What they’re doing is setting rules as to what we can do with our bodies, and in essence what they’re saying is that a life that most probably can not survive outside of the mother’s body for more than a couple hours or maybe even a couple of days is more important than a living, viable life that has been established for a good couple of years already.

I know this post is all over the place, but the thing is that these issues are the topics that need to be addressed during this election. This and many more are the reasons that I will be voting for Obama come November because I know I don’t want anyone telling me what to do when it comes to my body or any other decision I make, and should I have a daughter in the future, I do not want that decision being taken away from her either. I want my daughter to have all the same rights that I do and more. I want my daughter to be President of the United States if she so wishes. I want my daughter to be able to have an abortion if something were to happen and she were to have an unwanted pregnancy, and most importantly, I want my daughter to have easy access to birth controls until the time comes when she does decide to have children, and that choice needs to ultimately be up to her and her partner-male or female-NOT the government, therefore I will be voting for Obama because he stands for these issues and he stands for these changes. I really wish I could have seen a woman in office, but I’m not dead yet and won’t be for a very long time, so I’m sure the day will come when I will see a woman in office, and I will be proud when that day finally comes.

Written by Lissette

June 7, 2008 at 7:29 pm

Not all Cuban Women are Prostitutes

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I want you all to watch this video first, before I say anything.

Done? Good. Now this is an ad campaign that Iberia airlines started (and eventually pulled) to promote a giveaway to win tickets to Cuba. Can anybody tell me what is the problem with this video?

First of all, not only do all cuban women NOT look like these women, they don’t go around half naked the way these two did, they don’t all have these oversized lips, and they don’t coddle guys the way these two do to this baby. What they are promoting in this little ad campaign are the jineteras in Cuba, which are basically women who have been forced into prostitution in order to survive. This is an insult to women, an insult to Cuban women, and it makes me mad as hell that a company like Iberia saw fit to start this ad campaign.

So what do Cuban women look like, you may ask. Well, here, this is one of my favorite divas:

and for a more real cuban woman, there’s this one…

That me, and these are my grandparents

If you want to see more images of real Cubans you can also head over to My Big Fat Cuban Family and see for yourselves, or even to Babalu Blog. But what I feel they’re promoting in this ad is not the reality of the Cuban female population that is still in Cuba, but the ones that are forced to be sex-workers in order to survive and make a living and are taunting it as something men can look forward to when they arrive in Cuba. It’s a damn shame that these women fell they need to resort to this way of life in order to survive in the first place, but for a big corporation like Iberia Airlines to be promoting this is horrific. Read the article from the Miami Herald below, and leave me your opinions.

Airline yanks ad called ‘insult’ to Cubans

BY FRANCES ROBLES
frobles@MiamiHerald.com

Iberia Airlines yanked a promotional cartoon video off its website, featuring an infant who wins a trip to Havana and gets babied by voluptuous black beauties, after a consumer group complained the ad denigrates Cuban women.

The video posted earlier this month on the company’s website showed the baby being coddled by two black women with exaggerated full lips and wide hips squeezed into hot pants.

The women fed, massaged, fanned and danced with the infant as he sang, in an adult male voice, “Mulattas, feed me. Come on mulattas, take me to the crib.”

”It used the imagery of two sexy women of color, not nurses or home attendants . . . and the image of Cuba as the place for the male Spaniard to go and be pampered like a baby,” said Ileana Fuentes, executive director of the Miami-based Cuban Feminist Network. “If that’s not a sexual tourism ad, then I’d like to see a sexual tourism ad.”

The ad played on the stereotype that Cuba is a hotspot for single European men to find dark-skinned ”girlfriends” know as jineteras. The cartoon, part of a series of videos promoting an Iberia.com contest, was yanked from Iberia’s website but has found a new life on YouTube. Other ads featured a sheep rapping in New York and a vacuum cleaner doing the tango in Buenos Aires.

It was the Cuba cartoon that drew fire from a consumer action group, which said it was a sexist insult to Cuban tourism workers.

”Cuban tourism workers do not massage you, fan you and dance with you,” Ruben Sánchez, spokesman for the Consumers in Action Federation, said by phone from Madrid. “This ad denigrates people who work in tourism.”

He said the ad violates a 1988 Spanish law that prohibits advertising that is denigrating to groups of people. In this case, Sánchez said, the video was demeaning not only to tourism workers, but Cuban women and Cubans.

The organization complained about the ad last week and Iberia pulled it four days later, he said. Advertising professors are requesting copies so they can show them to students as an illustration of what not to do, he added.

Originally found on God is a Dyke.

Written by Lissette

May 26, 2008 at 5:07 pm

Posted in Feminism, Racism, Sexism

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